Secrets to Sell
by nllyoung
Summary: "All she can think of is her leaving that place, that town, that family forever. As she returned home after that first morning two years ago, she sweared to herself that she would have left that house as soon as she turned eighteen. That was the plan. Everything else was unthinkable." It all changes when a blue-eyed boy is trying to become Katniss' friend. Dark!Everlark.
1. Prologue

**Secrets to Sell**

**Prologue**

Katniss wasn't the classic shy girl.

In school, anyone who was trying to hit on her, had to end the thing at the first glare she gave them. She just couldn't give herself the time to date guys, or even talk to them. Actually, she didn't give herself time to talk to anybody. She used to sit alone at the cafeteria, reading books or eating M&Ms because her family wasn't as rich as the others in town. God, even her physical form wasn't normal.

She was too chubby. Too short. Her breasts weren't even near the normal size for her age. Her face too plump, her eyes too big. She used to spend most of her afternoon in front of the mirror, not partecipating at post-school activities. One day she found a pimple and she freaked out, not knowing how could she possibly show up in public the next day. She thrashed around her house, stuff flying in the air. She just couldn't stop screaming.

But in public, she was the exact opposite. And no one knew why she behaved that way.

Her family wasn't what she pretended it to be. Every other family was made of a mother, a father and the children. But no, her life sucked, so also her family had to.

Her father died when she was just seven years old; she didn't remember much, only a few memories of him singing to her to sleep. What sucked was the fact that her mother turned into a zombie, always in bed but with her eyes wide open, staring at the wall. Katniss was too little to take care of herself _and _her mother, so she was taken by an orphanage, even if her situation wasn't like the other orphans'. That place was like hell. She hated all the kids, mostly her roomate Clove, who threatened to kill her a few times if she would have screamed again during her nightmares. Those were the worst. The director of the orphanage was an old man called Snow because of his long white beard. He could have resembled Santa Claus if it weren't for his bad abits. Often, he beated the children, in particular the ones who didn't talk much. They weren't "normal", so they had to be punished. Snow was also the English and History teacher at the orphanage school. During his lesson he would talk to the kids like they were animals, always yelling at them, threatening them to be punished. But Katniss was strong and had courage, so she stood firm, her hands on the desk as Snow hit them with his black whip. Not even once a tear streamed on her cheek. Not once.

But that day everything changed. The blonde girl named Delly that used to sit next to Katniss in Snow's classes, didn't show up, and the teacher wasn't the evil man, but a strange bearded man. Delly's roomate Johanna, a few years older than her, said she was requested in Snow's office. The class passed quickly, and Katniss could go looking for the girl. Her room was on the third floor while Katniss' was on the second. She walked up the stairs only to find a group of kids reunited in front of Delly and Johanna's room. The missing girl was on the floor, pale and cold. Her corps was covered of bruises and blood.

Johanna, because one of the oldest, called the police. From that day on, the orphanage was closed.

All the orphans were entrusted to families in town. Katniss was one of the latest to find home, but eventually she did. Her home was a lovely white-and-yellow suburban house, like the ones in the movies she watched every Saturday at the orphanage. She liked it. No, she _loved _it. And her family did, too. Her new parents were Cray and Maysilee Donner, a married couple who couldn't have children. They welcomed her to the neighborhood with a party: Maysilee cooked and Cray took photographs of every happy moment. Finally, her life was beautiful. Every single part was wonderful. She walked to school; she made friends with a chubby girl named Madge Undersee and a tall boy named Gale Hawthorne, two years ahead of them. She sat at lunch with Madge, and in the afternoon she played with Gale on her backporch. She was happy. An always-smiling girl, like Mr. Snow willed her to be.

She was fifteen when everything changed again. She was on the bed, trying to understand algebra, when Cray walked in. He was wearing a squared pullover with black jeans. She remembered that particular because everynight she rewatched that scene in her dreams, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Am I bothering, hun?" he said.

"No, Cray. I just don't understand this," and Katniss pointed to the calc she couldn't resolve.

"Let me take a look". He sat on the bed, next to Katniss. Terribly close to her, but she wasn't paying attention to that. She had known him for five years. She trusted him because he loved her.

He leaned in, close to her face, only a breath separating them. He whispered in her ear in a deep voice that Katniss couldn't recognize, as he let slip his hans under the hem of her shirt.

"Let me take a look, hun".

From that moment on, the only thing Katniss could register was the pain and the hate she was feeling. Her voice was hoarse as she screamed in vain, his clothes on the floor next to hers. Only then she noticed that the door was locked and she was alone with Cray in the house. On that bed.

As he bumbed into her keeping his hand on her mouth, she fainted from the schock and the pain.

Hours later, she woke up feeling dizzy and tired, like she never fell asleep. Her body was sore, covered in bruises that pained at the touch. In that moment, she started to cry remembering Delly's bruised corps. Only, she survived. She wouldn't have wasted that chance.

The next morning, Cray offered to drive her to school, glaring at her with an expression that said "Don't you even try", as Maysilee cooked breakfast. She nodded her head once, starting to walk towards the car.

Suddenly, he blocked her against the car door. He whispered in her ear, like the night before.

Her eyes were wide for the rest of the day, her mouth agape with trembling lips. She was on the verge of tears all over again. She didn't look for Gale or Madge. She skipped all her lessons remaining on the floor of the girls' locker room, her head in her hands, crying and sobbing.

She still could hear him saying "Don't tell anyone or I will kill you."


	2. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! This is nllyoug. **

**I've edited the prologue: Sandra and Collin Watson are now and forever Maysilee and Cray Donner. Sorry, but I've been thinking about this story and this change was necessary. I don't think it's a reasonable thing using other names that do not exist in the Hunger Games Fandom.**

** Again, I'm sorry... I don't know what I was thinking. I've been busy with school and family and stuff, so I haven't been able to update STS. I promise I will post more often! I've got chapter 2 and 3 already on the way. I don't know how long this story will be in the end, but I think it will be about 10 chapters.**

**Here the first real chapter! **

**P.S. I do not own anything of Suzanne Collins' _The Hunger Games _trilogy.**

**Chapter 1**

_Present Day_

"Did you know that M&Ms are like.. Oh my God, that's him!".

And here she is. Katniss Everdeen has survived other two years of hell. All she can think of is her leaving that place, that town, that _family_ forever. As she returned home after that first morning two years ago, she sweared to herself that she would have left that house as soon as she turned eighteen. That was the plan. Everything else was unthinkable. She just didn't know the worst was yet to come.

But first, she would have to survive her last year at Panem High School. Easier to say than to do.

Madge is squirming beside her as they walk to class. "That's him!" she repeats, slighty pointing in front of her.

Katniss turns her head only to find a boy. Well, a very _handsome boy_.

He's looking aroud as he walks in the corridor. In his right hand there's a map of the classes; he's wearing a white T-shirt and blue jeans, and his other hand mantains a school bag. But what Katniss notices right away is his curly blonde hair all over his forehead. His eyelashes are so long that she can see them even looking from there.

"That's him, the new student," Madge tells her.

Katniss shakes her head to clear her thoughts just before sighing and turning to her friend. "And what's the point about that?" she asks, sounding frustated. She turns to walk away, leaving a very agape Madge behind, staring at the new boy.

Her first class of the year is Chemist. She takes a seat at the very last row on the left, the desk facing the window. As other students sit down, Mr. Beete speaks up. The new student is on his left, glaring at the ground.

"Welcome back, seniors. This year has brought a new student. Please, welcome Peeta Mellark," he says squeezing with his hand Peeta's right shoulder. He encourages him to have a seat. For the rest of the class, Katniss stares at the street through the window. She thinks, most of the time. She thinks about her life. About how fucked up it is. She just always thinks because she can't tell anyone. Since that morning, she can't even look in Maysilee's eyes. She asks to herself _does she know? And if she doesn't and finds out, would she save me?_ Well, _I guess I'll never know_.

After a year of sobbing and screaming everytime, eventually she allowed herself only the sobbing part. Luckily, Cray is often abroad for work, so she can heal in time. She was on the pill right the next day, and that was a godsend... that bastard doesn't even want to waste time putting a condom on. That first month was very difficult for Katniss. When Madge and Gale started to worry about her "absence", they tried to talk to her, but she would burst into tears everytime. Eventually, she told them she couldn't say anything, but that she was okay. With all her might, she stopped crying. They never asked her again after that.

The rest of her life is likely normal: she spends her time at school with Madge, and in the afternoon she and Gale walks around the county, one day fishing, the other practicing archery, a passion that Katniss had found the year before. She's really good at it, and Gale _certaintly _knows it.

The bell rings in the air, and she rises from her seat. The rest of the day passes without other events, and she has to walk home. Her street is something incredible and cozy. All the houses are red or blue, while hers is white and yellow. That was the first thing about her new life that she loved.

She's looking around the neighborhood when a familiar outline catches her attention.

Peeta Mellark is on the other side of the street. He's at the door of one of the houses, trying to slip the keys in the lock. Turning around before opening the door, he catches Katniss' eyes. She's startled by the ocean blue. _So deep and caring _she thinks. _God Katniss, get your shit back together_. She walks quickly the rest of the way home, not once searching for the boy's eyes.

So, she has just found out, the new blue-eyed boy will be her neighbor for the rest of the year.

* * *

><p>"Maysilee?" Katniss calls out as she enters home.<p>

"In here, honey!". She walks to the kitchen, only to find Maysilee baking at the counter, the rest of the kitchen a mess of dirty pots and tools.

She sits down sighing. "How was your first day?" Maysilee asks smiling.

"Normal. No, I dare to say... unbelievable," she tells her, "You know, there's a new student this year."

"Oh, could he possibly be from the family that moved in front of us?" she asks casually, frosting a half-burnt cupcake. _That's the last hobby Mayslee is experimenting _she says to herself.

"I think so. I've just seen him walking into the house".

Maysilee's smile is widing. "Well, well, well. That's not so bad, right?" then she walks to the oven, putting a baking tin inside.

"_Well, well, well. _I'm not interested. I've got homework to do, and then I'll meet Gale. It that okay?"

"Of course, honey." she says, kissing Katniss on the cheek.

Yes, the house was the first thing she loved, but Maysilee was certaintly right after that.

* * *

><p>As the days went by, Madge was more and more achieved to have Katniss as a friend.<p>

When the new scowling-girl moved in with the Donner family, she willed herself to be her friend. Madge Undersee was the always-lonely girl, too chubby and that the whole school always remembers for her family's money. She hated that, and more than anything, she desired a real friend. The new girl who didn't even know her name was perfect.

That first day, Madge walked over Katniss' table at the cafeteria, nervously.

"Hi" she waved in Katniss' direction, as the new girl looked up from her sandwich. Her expression was what Madge expected to see: a very-marked scowl.

"Ehm... can I sit here?" Madge asked, showing her lunch. Katniss nodded. And that was the very first real thing Madge genuinely smiled for.

* * *

><p>That afternoon, after having done her homework, Katniss went to see Gale Hawthorne.<p>

Their friendship wasn't a really emotional one. It was what Katniss liked to call "Distracting but Essential". Oh, what would she do without the tall and brown-haired Gale? She wouldn't know how to fish, or really, she wouldn't even know how to hold a bow. It was him who taught her to drive, and it was him who would always help her. She was that thankful.

Gale's house is not what you would imagine. Even if Panem City's families are for the most part rich, there are always the poor ones. If Katniss didn't live with Maysilee and Cray Donner, her family would probably have a house in Seam Road, the poor neighborhood. Gale's family was one of those, but Katniss never really thought about it: they were amazing people. Hazelle, Gale's mother, is one of the most known person in town, and not for the "poor-thing" (like Katniss says), but for her kindness. Gale's brothers, Vick and Rory Hawthorne, are twins and they're inseperable. Mr. Hawthorne, unfortunately, died in the town mines when Gale was just in kindergarten, and Hazelle was seven months pregnant with Posy, now a beautiful eleven-year-old. She will never know her daddy.

The Hawthorne house is yes, coming undone every minute, but also the most comfortable home Katniss has ever been in.

The door is unlocked, so Katniss lets herself in. "Hello!" she calls out.

"Hi, honey! In the living room!" Hazelle replies. The woman is on the couch, sewing a pair of pants – _probably Vick's: that boy can't just stay firm a minute –_ while little Posy is doing her homework sitting on the floor, book on the coffee table.

"I think Gale is waiting for you in the backyard," Hazelle says. She looks into Katniss' eyes, now. "He has something to tell you." She's not really serious, but a ghost of a sad smile transpers on her face.

"Do I have to worry?" Katniss jokes, with a fake laugh.

"Oh no, honey. But it's something you have to hear from him." the woman reassures.

Katniss walks out of the living room and closing behid herself the back door, she finds the backyard. It's nothing special, but there's everything a family of five with three kids needs.

Gale is sitting on a Cinderella-chair (Posy really loves princesses), looking at the forest that remains further Seam Road. That's their woods, where they really stick together. Where they're no longer Katniss _and _Gale, but Katniss-and-Gale.

She sits down next to him and gazes at the forest one more time before waking him up from the incantation.

"A penny for your thoughts?" she asks in a small voice. She hates that voice: it makes her vulnerable. Too much for her likes.

He turns to watch her for a minute. Katniss wonders if he couldn't speak or if he just didn't know what to say. He turns away, gazing the forest again.

"Ma has been fired." Hazelle Hawthorne works at the local laundry. Or she used to, now. The pay wasn't much, even if Hazelle has never skipped work, but it was something.

"I'm sorry" Katniss says. _What do you really say in these cases?_

"Yeah... I know," Gale replies "The fact is, I'll have to work in the mines. I'm going to start next week." That's the news. Katniss didn't know what to think. She was scared... no, she was _terrified_.

"But... there's something else you can do, right?" Katniss asks, in a desperate voice. She hates that, too. "There _has _to be, Gale!" now she's standing in front of him, looking into his eyes. He just keep looking at the forest.

"Gale..." she whispers on the verge of tears, both hands on his shoulders. "You can't die in the mines, Gale... please." The small voice again.

Now he looks at her and she sees there are tears in his eyes, too. Her arms lock around his neck as she hugs him, hard. She promises he won't end his life like his father did.

School has always been something horrible and boring for Katniss. If she's not gazing out the window, she's at the cafeteria. Not that she is bad at school, she has always been a great student. It was her behavior that scandalizes the teachers. At school, she's "a little depressed", like the other students usually say, "and gloomy".

Today is no different. The cafeteria is almost empty, and the silence helps Katniss relax. She loves the noise of the plates on the tables, the soft music that is played 24/7. She likes to read a book, or do her homework so she will be free in the afternoon. Madge usually brings her lecture notes at lunch, but today she finds her friend in front of her table, arm in arm with someone else.

"Wow. That's a record: it's not even third period and you're already here!" Madge jokes.

Katniss is a little confused. "Well, PE is not that special with Miss Atala-don't-make-that-face" Atala Spielgam is the most famous teacher of Panem High. The boys love her body, the girls hate her face. She always has that scowl like she wants to say "Don't look at me. You're going to die". It's hilarious, really, but Katniss can't stand her. Like she needs to run four kilometres a day.

"Oh, got it." Madge still isn't including Peeta Mellark in the conversation, so Katniss speaks up.  
>"Care to present your friend, Madgie?" she jokes, obviously, but Madge really hates that nick-name. Infact, she starts to blush.<p>

"Don't call me that," she says "_Catnip._"

"Touché." Katniss smiles.

"Well, Katniss. This is Peeta, the new student." she says gesturing to Peeta next to her. He smiles, and for a moment Katniss wants to stare into his eyes forever.

"Hi, Katniss" he says. He says that with such a genuine happiness that Katniss thinks she has just met the happier boy of town.

"Wanna sit down?"

They all talk for the entire period, and Katniss gets to know a little better Peeta.

His family moved to Panem City last week because his father had to retrieve Peeta's grandad's bakery. His grandparents has died last month, and they decided to return to Mr. Mellark's hometown. The bakery is in Town Street, near school. He works there three times a week to put aside some money for college. He wants to go to NYU, mastering in Art.

She can't possibly know that Peeta Mellark will be her one-way ticket for a new life.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2 on soon!<strong>


	3. Chapter 2

**Hey there! I wanted to thank Kpfan72491, everlasting1286 and kamjam for their reviews. I'm at the beginning, so thank you for the support! **

**Remember, I haven't a beta, so the mistakes are all mine. **

**Here chapter 2!**

**P.s. I do not own anything of _The Hunger Games _trilogy.**

**Chapter 2**

It's one of those afternoons.

Usually, Katniss goes straight home after school, walking or getting a lift on Gale's truck. But today she wants to stay as far as possible from that house. Why? Cray is back from a trip in Spain: he stayed away less than usual, and Katniss is not prepared to face him again so soon.

The last period's bell has just rang, so she walks outside. She calls Maysilee explaining to her that she'll go to archery practice with Gale, even if truth be told, her best friend is right now underground, working his ass off for his family for at least five more hours. Maysilee doesn't know this, so she lets her go. She tells Katniss she has to be home by dinner time. After have said good-bye to Madge, she heads for the woods. It's the Natural Reserve of Panem City's County, and only the 80% of the area is open to the public; it's not that frequented, though. The most of the people like to hang out in the city.

But not Katniss and Gale. After they had explored all of that 80%, they wanted to see the remaining woods. Last summer, they passed days in the proibited woods, making it their home, a place where they could escape everytime they needed it. Or just to think, like Katniss.

That summer is Katniss's favourite one: Cray had been abroad (somewhere near Italy, Katniss didn't ask much) for both July and August and had returned only when school had already started. Katniss was in "free-mood", staying out of the house for most of the day, usually alone. But the time with Gale had been special.

When she was alone in the woods, she meticulously planned her escape, writing every single detail in a red notebook. It wasn't nothing special really. After all, Katniss had always thought she isn't important for other people's life, and those who cared about her... _they'll forget about me quickly_.

Today is a planning-day, so she has got her notebook in her school bag, ready for the woods. But she walks first to The Hob, the local bar near school: she usually hangs out there with Gale and Madge on Friday night. Now, it's full of students. At the counter, she asks for a take-out diet coke and a sandwich.

"Hello to you too, Sweetheart." a voice behind her says. She turns around and finds the one and only Haymitch Abernathy.

Katniss has never thought a person could drink gin and tonic so easly even in the early morning.

"Good afternoon, Haymitch." she says "What brings you here? Oh, let me guess..." she puts her index finger on her chin, pretending to be thinking, "Gin and tonic or free beer?"

He grins. "That's a damn hard guess, you know."

"Mmmh... Gin and tonic: that's my answer." He mouths the word _loser _and then puts his elbows on the counter. "Beer, please."

She laughs. Haymitch is always here at The Hob. Pepper, the bartender, once had said Katniss he's lost his only daughter in a car accident right after he divorced with her mother. It was ten years ago, and he still grieves his pain in alcohol. He was fired for always being drunk on work hours, even if Katniss doesn't know what he did for living. Now, jobless but with lot of money aside, he lives alone and drunk.

"And you, what brings you here, Sweetheart?" he asks her. "Lunch." she replies, handing Pepper the money and walking towards the door. "Take care, oldman!" she calls out. She doesn't know, though, that Haymitch was still smiling.

* * *

><p>The leaves glitters under the sun and the frost of the night slowly melts with the day heat. Her and Gale's rendezvous spot is a great rock on the lake shore. They had found it the fourth day of exploration that summer: it was mid-July and the hot air was almost unbearable. Right after they spotted the glittery surface, they dived in the water. They spent the day on the rock, laughing in the sunlight : it was the best day of Katniss's life. She hopes it was Gale's, too.<p>

Obviously, Gale's side of the rock is now empty. She sits by the invisible form of her best friend and eats the sandwich in peace, looking at the water, like she would eventually see something coming out of there.

She had been staring under the sun for half an hour, when she hears a noise coming from the tree line behind her. She quickly turns around, eyes wide examining her surroundings carefully.

She grabs her bow and arrows from under her side of the rock, where she usually keeps it. Standing up, she bents the bow, waiting for a wild animal to come out of the forest and on the lake shore. Eventually, she can make out in the distance a human form. A boy. Blonde curly hair flying up and down as he walks in Katniss's direction. He exits the forest.

She finds herself face to face with Peeta Mellark.

* * *

><p>His sparkly blue eyes are looking around, fascinated by the nature of the lake. Now, they pose on Katniss's bented bow, the arrow ready to fire in Peeta's direction. With his mouth agape, he puts his hands up.<p>

Even if she recognizes him, she doesn't let go of the bow. "What are you doing here?" she asks.

He looks perplexed, like it's obvious. "Ehm, I was... I-I was walking around." he mumbles.

She finally lets her guard off, but not the scowl. He relaxes and breathes in the cold air.

She walks towards him, never looking away from his eyes. Now she stands in front of him.

"Well, you can go." she says, pointing to the forest with an annoyed expression on her face.

"Ehm, I... I don't really know where I am." he says, passing a hand through his curls. He glances at the ground, a nervous smile on his lips. "I was _litterally _walking around, and I got lost."

She rolls her eyes. "No one is allowed here." she lectures him, "It's beyond the reserve limits."

His face falls. "And why are you here then?". She frowns. His grin from the day they met returns. "Let's pretend I've never seen you here, and you can walk me back." he puts is hand out "Deal?" She looks at it and gets it: he's offering to don't say anything.

She smiles, "Deal." and shakes his hand.

* * *

><p>The walk is pretty quite, only the sound of his feet in the air. She rolls her eyes for the hundredth time, guiding him to where he arrived from.<p>

He speaks up. "Really... why were you there?" he asks "Like you said, no one is allowed to be out of the reserve limits."

From ahead of him, she replies "I'm not that strict about this place's rules."

"Yeah, I noticed."

He never talks again until they reach the fence that delimits the Reserve from the prohibited area.

"So... thank you for walking me back here." he says turning to Katniss.

"I think we're even." she replies, looking in his eye. He nods.

She starts to walk away towards the lake, when he calls out her name. "Yeah?" she says.

"See you at school." and smiles.


	4. Chapter 3

**Hi guys!**

**Yeah, I'm back. Sorry, but school got in the picture again and I had to focuse on it.**

**This chapter is longer that the others because I couldn't really put and end to it! **

**I'd want to write so many other things, so I'm already working on chapter 4 and 5. Hope it's a good news ;)**

**Well, in this chapter I wrote more of Katniss's thought and, because I do not own The Hunger Games, I hope it's not a mess...**

**You'll read how Katniss and Peeta's friendship is going and how Katniss lives with the Cray situation... in the details. Someone might be shocked by it, so I warn you: **

**this is rated M not for nothing. **

**As always, I thank everyone who is following this work and the ones who reviwed the earlier chapters. You're the best.**

**P.s. Again, I do not own Suzanne Collins's _The Hunger Games_.**

**Chapter 3**

Katniss has never thought of what would happen if someone found out about what Cray does to her. Well, yes, she has, but never really thinking over what would he do to _them_. He had said he would have killed her so, obviously, all she ever thought of was of her body lying in a pool of blood, eyes still wide open that remember only the unfairness of their death.

Apart from that, she's always thought of her surving. Because_ that _is the real meaning of her life now: survive day by day, only the acknowledge of her leaving fulfilling her existence. It was a little depressing, but Katniss swore to herself that she would have started to live when she would have been out of that house. It was plain and simple, like breathing. She would have left the night of her eighteenth birthday, saying she would go to party wih Madge and Gale while she would drive beyond the city limits instead. She will pack her needings the night before, hiding them from Cray and Maysilee.

Maysilee. She wanted to tell her everything, at some point. But what should she say? _Your loving husband raped me when I was fifteen and never stopped since then? _She decided a long time ago that she will leave her a letter: she will explain everything in there, obviously never telling her where she was headed. Not even Katniss knew where she will run away. It's not important.

But she never thought of what would happen if someone finds out. Would they try to help her? She isn't that hopeful: who would want to run into truble for a stupid girl who didn't even try to do something?

Katniss has thought once of her killing Cray. She dreamed of herself sitting on him as she sinks a knife in his flesh, over and over and over...  
>But, really, what would she do? She didn't tried to defend herself the first time Cray laid his dirty hands on her. She is weak. She has always hated what weakness does to people: just think about Maysilee. That beautiful and self-sell woman who fell in love with a bastard, that doesn't even see his madness, what he does, and what he did. But how can she blame her? She's not the first woman who fell in the love's trap. Her mother, her biological mother, was so depressed when her father died that Katniss had to live in an orphanage. That was the first time Katniss thought of love as a blinding misfortune. And the time where she rethought of it as a bad feeling never came, so she still thinks like that.<p>

What if Maysilee finds out? That's Katniss biggest fear. She's sure, the woman would do something. But she's not sure of what she'd do. Maybe she wouldn't believe her. If only she saw what he does to her... Katniss started to think of a plan-b when Maysilee almost found out.

It was the day after she had run into Peeta Mellark in the woods. The sun was high in the cold morning air as she stumbled out of her house to go to school. Even if it was winter, the sun heat was so warm and comfortable that Katniss found herself smiling at the possibility of a beautiful day ahead.  
>Her thoughts died right when she saw Peeta walking towards her from the other side of the road. He put on his best smile (to what Katniss almost rolled her eyes), and waved to her. She looked around - <em>maybe he's waving to someone else behind me<em> - but no one was on the street. She took a deep breathe and looked up, as he neared her. The light-blue sweetshirt brought out the blue of his eyes, and Katniss noticed immediately. She also took note that Peeta Mellark had a strange and creepy walking. She didn't see it the first day she met him because she was too caught up watching in his eyes, and the day before by listening to the loud sounds of his feet, but she thought it was like that because of the foliage.  
>"Hey, Katniss" he said it like he first did once at the cafeteria, when he walked in arm-in-arm with Madge. Her friend had explained after that she was bringing him around the school for a tour, joking and laughing as she told him of Miss Atala-don't-look-at-me's lessons. She found out she had three classes with Peeta, so she volunteered to walk him around. The cafeteria was their last stop, but they didn't plan on presenting to other classes, so Madge thought of the occasion as a good way of making him meet Katniss: obviously, she had noticed the look on her friend's face when she first saw the new boy. It was almost shocking, but Madge found herself grateful for Peeta's arriving. Maybe he could turn the always-scowling girl into a beautiful woman who loved unconditionally. The look on Katniss's face was priceless, again, when she met Peeta's eyes. Madge decided she did the right thing. She smiled at the view.<p>

Naturally, Katniss would never find something as Peeta's voice important to her surviving; so why would she care?

"Good morning, Peeta" she replied, pretending to be smiling at him. Or maybe not pretending. She didn't know.  
>They started to walk towards school, side by side, not once talking. Katniss was secretly grateful for Peeta's heavy steps, even if she still wondered why his walking was so unstable.<br>After ten quite minutes, they arrived at school. They walked in, turning to the other at the same time and opening their mouths, wanting to speak.  
>"Oh sorry," she said "You go first."<p>

He smiled._ Ugh,_ a_gain_, she thought. "I just wanted to thank you again, for yesterday." He trailed off in fear of saying too much. He didn't know the weight of his words on Panem City's laws.  
>"Don't worry, really." she replied. They stared at the ground until the bell rang and the corridor started to fill out.<br>She started walking away towards her first lesson when he spoke up, running a hand through his blonde curls. Katniss noticed he did that often. "Well, thank you for the walk, Katniss," he says "See you around." And walked in the opposite way.  
>She stood there a little more, thinking that Peeta Mellark was thankful for a lot of things, but never for himself. She sees that when he passes her locker at school: he never looks up, his eyes always at the ground. She sees that when he talks to people in the corridor: most of the time, he just listens, and when he speaks up, he does it to advice the others. She sees that when he runs his hand through his hair. Peeta Mellark is caring and loving and thankful, but there's something that catches Katniss' s attention everytime he talks. It's something in his voice, she decides. She has already heard that accent. It's not weakness. It's not fragility.<br>It's fear. Maybe he fears the other's opinion.  
>It's normal when you are classificated as the new boy, in a new town, in a new State. She remembers she doesn't have to care about Peeta Mellark: it would lead her only to truble.<p>

* * *

><p>The weeks flew by as Katniss survived.<br>Madge always talked about Peeta. She started to think that maybe her friend had a crush on the boy, but then trailed off. Madge wasn't the type of girl who just has crushes. She's too smart for that stuff. She hasn't seen Peeta yet, but it's like he's really there as Madge reply out loud a conversation she had with him the day before at History.  
>"I asked why he always wears sweetshirts because, well he does, and because I don't think it could be good to him at the beginning of his new life in this school - you know, Glimmer Marin cares about those things," Glimmer Marin is the head-cheerleader of our school and she's also the number one bitch of the county. She goes from the Titans to the Sharks (our football and swim teams) in the blink of an eye, and Katniss is surprised she still hasn't got a sex infection or stuff like that. But she did know Peeta was a great meal, and she wouldn't have let him go away without a bite.<br>Madge was still talking. "But do you know what he replied? He said he doesn't care. HE DOESN'T CARE, Katniss! What a wonderful reply is that!? He's got the balls."  
>That caught Katniss' s attention. "He doesn't care? Peeta blonde-hair-and-blue-eyes Mellark doesn't care?" she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Wow. Then he wins."<br>Madge's smile falls as she understands that Peeta's magic hasn't done his trick yet. She's sure it will, but when? She had to do something.  
>"Hey, what about tonight? It's friday, we should go to The Hob." she blurts out "Maybe Gale can join us."<br>"I don't think Gale will be there. He had the fourteen hours turn today." This makes Madge smile.  
>"Well, I can ask Peeta." she says, a knowing grin on her lips.<br>Katniss pretends to be indifferent. "Whatever. See you at eight o'clock there." She takes her bag as she stands up, walking away.  
>She wouldn't have let Peeta Mellark's magic do its trick again.<p>

* * *

><p>Well, maybe it did, after all.<br>"It didn't, it didn't, it didn't..."  
>It was half past seven, and Katniss was in front of her wardrobe, trying many outfits that went from sweetshirt and Chuck Taylor to thighs and dress. It was awful for Katniss: why does she have to be so weak? She's indifferent but still she wants to look decent in front of Peeta, even if she had never cared before.<br>She repeated over and over that his magic didn't do its trick, but deep in her mind she knew it did. And what a crappy feeling it was. Everything of her wardrobe was awful, her make-up was awful, her hair was awful. Even her voice was awful. _I swear, if that pimple decides to return right now, I won't go out. _  
>In the end, she went for a pair of blue jeans and a tee with a quote she didn't even care to read on.<br>She was braiding her hair when someone walked in her room and spoke up.  
>"Where are you going tonight?" It could have been a question asked genually from a worried parent, if it weren't for the accent of annoying and jelousy in his voice.<br>She didn't need to turn around as she says "Nothing special. Just hanging around with a boy of the neighborhood and Madge." She's almost finished when she feels him breathing on the curve of her neck. She stopped her movings and started to breath hard, deeping her respiration not to faint right there. God knows what he would have done after that.

She was shaking, now, as he passed his index finger up her right arm. And then sremembered Maysilee wasn't home and that that bastard was home since he got off work two hours before. She tried to walk away, but he grabbed her arms and put her on the bed, a loud whisper coming out of her lips "No, please. No, no..."

He got over her, blocking her arms at her sides and putting a tissue from his pocket in her mouth, so all her screams didn't come out.  
>He ripped her tee off, revealing her white bra. Next, he unbottoned her jeans, slipping them off along with her panties. Her cheeks were wet with tears, so he dried them passing his hand on her cheeks. This brought Katniss a cold shiver long her back, her eyes wide with fear.<p>

He stared into her eyes. He remembered the first time he saw those storm grey eyes: she was so innocent back then, always smiling. He could see she was happy. Even if she had lived in a horrible orphanage for three years, she was still happy. He admired her, but not in an innocent way. It started when he dreamed of those deep eyes. He couldn't bring himself to think of anything else. He knew it was wrong, so wrong, but his insanity won, exactly when she was fifteen and as beautiful as she had never been.  
>He brought his mouth to her left ear. "You don't need anyone else, I'm here. You are mine, only mine, stupid bitch." and he bumped into her, making Katniss shout in pain. The tears were streaming freely, wetting her neck. He groaned and let his body relax on hers as he finished. He always feels like he finally changed her. He, the man who took her virginity, who manteined her, who just wanted her, wanted to turn that pretty little girl into a woman. The only way was to make her his. He doesn't care if she cries or have bruises allShe was in so much pain, she didn't even feel her legs anymore.<br>As he walked out of the door, he said proudly, "Don't forget that he is nothing compered to me. You are mine, not his."

Katniss was left there, naked and in pain, on her bed; she had to change clothes, redo her make-up because now it was all black on her face. But she also had to think. To plan. If he reacted that way only because she was going out with Peeta and Madge, she didn't want to think about what he would have done if she had a boyfriend. Not that she wanted it, or even thought about it, but she didn't want to risk more than she had been doing. What am I going to do? She decides she's going to plan an early escape: if Cray freaks out again, he won't be as gentle as he had been tonight.

But now, she wanted to just enjoy herself: she can be depressed later. She got up, cleaned herself off, redid her make-up, changed her T-shirt with a light pullover, and walked out of the door, headed to The Hob.

* * *

><p>Her cheeks got red as the heat warmed her body. The cold air outside was now unbearable, and all she wanted was a hot chocolate prepared by Ripper, the bartender.<br>Looking around, she found Peeta sitting at a booth: he was reading a book (from there, Katniss couldn't see the title). He was so focused that his eyes were narrowed and his eyebrows were knitted together; the tip of his tongue stambled out from his mouth while he turned the page.  
>The crash of a cup behind the counter made her snap out of her staring, but Peeta was still focused on the book. She decided to walk towards him: she couldn't possibly stand there the whole night. She put off her red scarf as she slipped in the booth, startling Peeta from his reading. Looking up, his eyes flicked with a spark that brought Katniss a strange feeling.<br>"Hey." he said, finally closing the book.  
>"Hi." she replies, smiling.<br>They stayed quite for a while, looking around. Katniss found Ripper and Haymitch observing them from the counter, so she glared at them. Turning around, she spoke up.  
>"So, what are you reading?"<br>His eyes posed on hers for a millisecond before looking away. "Ehm, _The Old Man and the _Sea, by Hemingway." he says, looking at the book cover "My dad read it when he was my age, so I wanted to read it, too. He really liked it, so..." He trailed off, not knowing what to say anymore. Why was he justifing his choice?  
>Maybe he didn't know what to say. They didn't even know each other that well to ask how was life outside of school. For Katniss, it was a little... Foreign. She hadn't done anything like this - relating with new people - for so long that she didn't know how to begin. She didn't want to open up, but she wanted to break this deefing silence.<br>Luckily, it's him who did the next move.  
>"So, you do archery." he stated.<br>"And how do you know that?" she asked, sarcasm evidence in her voice.  
>He chuckled. "Madge."<br>"I shouldn't be surprised. " she chuckled too, remembering how her friend loves to talk and talk and talk...  
>She wanted to ask him if he'd like a hot chocolate, when he beated her on time.<br>"Would you like a hot chocolate?"  
>She laughed out loud and he said hebwas sorry. "It's nothing, really. I was going to ask you the same thing." she reassured.<br>They looked at each other, smiling softly. They ordered two hot chocolate and then waited.  
>They spent the night talking about books, hot chocolate and passions. Katniss found out Peeta was a very talented painter, and when he asked her to come see some of his paints one day, she didn't think twice before saying yes.<br>The laugh wasn't forced and they seemed to be more closed as the hours passed by.  
>But Katniss couldn't say what he was scared of. He was funny, kind, smart, talkative and... Well, attractive. She decided she wanted to find out.<br>It was almost midnight when Katniss' s phone went off. She excused herself and walked out the door.  
>"Hello?"<br>"Katniss, where are you?" It was Maysilee. She was out of breath and agitated. "Ehm, I'm at The Hob with... Madge." she said  
>Maysilee breathed out, relaxing a bit. "Oh, my God! I was so scared. I-I thought you were gone."<br>Katniss had to knit her eyebrows together at this. "Why would you think of that?"  
>"I-I don't know... Maybe you don't like us anymore." It was a stupid excuse, but half of that was true, after all.<br>"Mays, I'll be home as soon as possible, okay?"  
>"No, no... Have fun, don't you worry."<br>But Katniss was suspicious. Something was wrong. "No, I'm coming."

Walking back in, she told Peeta she had to go home right away and that she would have seen him on Monday at school.  
>He stood up, getting his jacket on. "I'll drive you home, Katniss. I won't let you walk alone and on this cold." he said firmly.<br>She had to roll her eyes at this. "Now, I do it everyday." she says.  
>"Well, not tonight." And he smiled: Katniss couldn't think of another excuse.<p>

They arrived in their neighborhood, in front of her house, as he ended the engine. He coughed. "So, yeah... See you on Monday?"  
>"Yes," she confirmed with a shrug "Sure."<br>She got out of the car and closed the door. Peeta rolled down the window. "Good night, Katniss."  
>She smiled sleeply. "Good night, Peeta."<br>As she walked in the house (still smiling), she thought of how wonderful Peeta was. She didn't even notice Madge's absense. _God, Madge being Madge... _  
>She was in the kitchen for a glass of water when Maysilee walked in from the living room.<br>"Katniss, I'm so sorry." she said, crossing the room and taking Katniss in her arms. "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to get worried."  
>"I'm not going anywhere right now."<br>Maysilee tightened her grip on her and Katniss flinched: the bruises Cray had left earlier hadn't totally healed. The woman broke the embrace and looked in her eye. Katniss was scared she could see the truth in there, that all of the years she passed hiding every bruise were thrown out the window. Maysilee looked down between them and got a view of her worst scars: the bruises on her arms never really faded away.  
>Katniss hided them behind her back, she couldn't look in Maysilee's eye.<br>The woman caught her arms and looked at them in shock. "Katniss..." she started "Who did this to you?"  
>In that moment, the fear was overwhelming. Katniss wanted to let it all out, tired of keeping everything inside, always taking in. She couldn't do this to Maysilee. Not now, not like this.<br>"No one did." she said. She was thinking of a good excuse while Maysilee's piercing eyes burned a hole in Katniss's bruises.  
>"Katniss -" Maysilee started.<br>"No one did." she repeated "We had a volleyball lesson with Miss Atala yesterday. I'm very bad at it." _Pathetic_.  
>"Katniss, I don't believe you. But I'll be waiting for you, when you're ready to talk to your mother." she said.<br>Katniss looked at her for a long time and then nodded.

Getting in bed, she started to think of a way out. She now had three good excuses to run away as soon as possible.  
>Cray was getting more violent. And she didn't want to risk, not during this delicated step.<br>Maysilee was going to find something out, and earlier than Katniss thought. If she found out, Katniss's pain would have been useless.  
>And then there was Peeta Mellark. What was he doing to her? Katniss had never acted like a talkative person, but that night, she was. And it scared her. If he wanted to be her friend, she will have to get away from him. She couldn't risk to tell him something. She just couldn't.<p>

She couldn't let her guard off. She had to leave as soon as possible.


	5. Chapter 4

As she finds herself looking out the window, the slender figure of Peeta Mellark, the boy who caught her attention more than she wills to confess, finds his way into Katniss's view.  
>The previous week had been a rough one for her, trying to organise her life in only a bag. It is rather big, but nothing could ever contain the pain she feels (no, <em>felt<em>. She had decided Cray will never lay his hands on her ever again) when she sees Madge and Gale's looks everytime she puts her sleeves on her fists, trying to hide her bruises. She doesn't even know if that bag will contain the joy and the pride she will feel as she leaves town. She dreams it: her hair flying up and down, in every direction, as she drives away, trying to keep up with the birds above her head, free, just like her.  
>She promises to the voice that keeps telling her to run away, that she will plan her escape the next day. <p>

Oh, how Katniss would just grab Cray's car keys, walk out the door and never come back. But it's not that simple, she says again and again...  
>It's almost dark when she finds her way to the window of her bedroom, after checking that Cray wasn't home, just to relax; it's when she sees his profile through the trasparent glass, that she relaxes for real, though. He is in what Katniss thinks is his bedroom: half of the window is covered by a tent, but the other half is free of every obstacle. She watches as he maneges a very short pencil in his right hand, slowly tracing a line on the sheet of paper. It's soothing, watching him doing the things he loves. Obviously, Katniss knows he loves drawing because he told her. That week, Madge had been sick, so she stayed home recovering from the flu, not going to school. It was normal to sit at lunch with Madge and Peeta, but not with Peeta only. During that week, they talked about their life, but never concentraiting on their parents: evidently, it was a hard topic for both of them.<br>The drawing thing jumped out of nowhere, when he asked her "Why archery?" and she replied with a shrug and "My friend Gale taught me."  
>And then, after a minute of silence, he said "I like drawing. It keeps my feet on the ground."<br>At that, Katniss looked up from her lunch, watching deeply his fetures, every single detail of his face while his gaze was to the table. She was mesmerized by how his knitted eyebrows made her feel, almost curious: what was he thinking? Why did he tell me something so personal? Maybe he wanted to reciprocate, even if archery has never been that personal.  
>Moments, hours, days like that one passed by, as Katniss thought of a new way out.<br>The bag is already on her chair, waiting to be useful. She's saving money for the journey: every day, since she's moved in with the Donners, Maysilee gives her five bucks for lunch. Obviously, Katniss had never thought about putting it aside when she was little, but when it all started, she always hid it in her closet, all of it in an envelope between her slips. Now that she's almost eighteen, she has put a modest amount of money aside. Katniss knows it won't be enough, but she plans on getting a job as soon as she's settled in. The euphoria is eating her alive as the days fly by.  
>But something deeper is surfacing: Peeta.<br>The blue-eyed boy that continues to keep Katniss on the spines, making her notice things she's never laid her eyes on. How his hair covers his eyes, and how he shakes it away with a shrug of his head; how long his eyelashes are, it never stopped to mesmeraze her. His pink lips that he puts on a thin line when he's upset about something, or when he's in doubt or thinking. His calloused hands, bruised from baking and drawing, still young but old, wise in some way, and that have been creating so many things, from lines to great paintings.  
>Katniss wonders: what is he doing to me?<br>She thinks of how she feels when he's near. Those cramps at the stomach never fade away as long as he's with her, her eyes never meet his, but when they do, she's left agape at that deep ocean-blue. Even if she feels like being right under the sun costantly, the warmth spreading throughout her body, the sensation of safety is the only thing that passes through her mind.  
>And that's what she feels when she sees him from her window. His profile doesn't seem to be an almost-eighteen's one, with squared shoulders and all. From what he tells her, he practices wrestling after school with Coach Odair, a man in his thirties who started working at Panem High the previous year, married to a middle school teacher and father of one. The wrestling must have brought some weight on Peeta's body, even if it's all in muscles, so he seems older. But not much.<br>Staring at his shape, Katniss loses track of time. When she lets her gaze up, the sun is setting on the horizon, and Peeta is still painting at his bedroom table. He changed position, from sitting on his chair to lay down on his bed. She thinks he's still drawing, but then she sees his eyes closed, his head on the pillow and the painting aside.

She quickly walks to her closet: grabbing a pair of sweatpants, she puts them in the bag. Those are the last item she needs to pack. She hides the bag under her bed, putting up the cover and sliding the bag in, then quickly leaving the cover to settle in.  
>In that week of preparing, she set the day of her escape. It is the next day, and Katniss wants to sleep for the last time in that house dreamly and joyfully. Even if that bed will be something cruel of her past.<p>

...

All she has to do is go to school, say good-bye to Madge and Gale, go back home, say good-bye to Maysilee and then go to bed. Cray is on a trip to Germany, so when her mother will be asleep, she will slip out of bed, grab her things and Cray's car keys, and then go on her way.  
>The sunlight is not even out when she wakes up. Sleep came just before two o'clock, so she hasn't slept much. Maybe for the excitement or the fear, she doesn't really know.<br>She gets out of bed and walks to the bag. She checks inside, and chooses the clothes to wear for the day: a green T-shirt with a sweatshirt and blue jeans, obviously in the feet, her white Chuck Taylor.  
>It's almost seven o'clock when she gets downstairs, walking through the living room and into the kitchen. She grabs a milk carton and some cereals, eating them while sitting on the counter. She enjoys her last breakfast in the house she has loved so much in the past years: the white fence that she had always seen in the movies, the beautiful garden on the back of the house where she played with Gale, running and shouting, free and careless and innocent.<br>Innocent. Because yes, Katniss Everdeen was an innocent little girl who liked to play ball with her friends, loved her new parents even if she didn't remember much about her biological ones. She was happy, costantly smiling and laughing, and all of that was gone as soon as Cray had made her little body his personal toy. She was fifteen and she loved Cray as a father. But he destroyed everything. Her anger is only growing as she remembers those things. She needs to leave.

Even if she's not late, she closes the door behind her as she walks long the road.  
>Her mind is somewhere else. She's got her hands tied on her bed, her cries and his moans the only sounds in the air, the pain unbearable; his hand is silenting her screams, so that Maysilee can't hear a thing from down the stairs. All the memories, the pain, the bruises, the ripped-off clothes, his carelessness and his hunger...<br>On the lonely road, she falls down on the ground, her hands on her ears. She doesn't want to hear the screams of pain and his whispers and his hands on her body... She relizes that the screams are hers and that she can't stop them from leaving her throat. Her legs are against her chest, and she stays like that on the sidewalk for what Katniss thinks are hours.  
>She feels a hand on the small of her back, whispers in her left ear trying to soothe her.<br>"Katniss, calm down, it's okay, you're not alone... It's okay..."  
>The person grabs her shoulders and gets her to sit up. From the big and warm hands, she deduces it's a man. He encircles his arms around her body, still whispering. Katniss notices it's not like when Cray whispers, it's something that makes her feel safe.<br>The fat tears eventually come to an end, the sobs die down. She looks up from the warm chest to see that the man is not a man, but a boy her age: Peeta Mellark.  
>"What..." her eyes go wide as she recognizes him, and immediatly she breaks the embrace. The cold breeze gets to her bones and she starts trembling.<br>"No, Katniss. It's okay." he says. He puts his hand in front of her, getting up. After a few seconds, Katniss grabs his hand and he helps her up. They're face-to-face, their breathing only centimetres away. She can hear her fast heartbeat and she wonders if he can, too. A wild tear is streaming down her face and Peeta passes his thumb on it, brushing it away. Katniss dares to look up and gaze into his eyes: they are so deep, blue, soothing and caring, like she has always found them. They only bring her joy and safeness.  
>She looks past him, pulling away with red cheeks and the warm feeling fading away. He doesn't seem hurt or upset, maybe because he expected it, after all. He has always found Katniss as a fearless girl, determinated and stubborn. But she has a caothic past, as Madge had told him. He wondered if that was the issue that triggered her screams, there on the street.<br>"I'm sorry." he says after a while.  
>She looks up at him, trying to figure out why the hell he thinks it was his fault.<br>Knitting her eyebrows together, she replies "Don't. It's not your fault, Peeta."  
>He looks angry, now, wild eyes staring back at her. "Then whose is it, Katniss?" he says, desperate to understand "I know the past is something you'll remember forever no matter what, but you can't let it kill you!"<br>Those fat tears are back again on her face. "You can't understand. You wouldn't believe me." she doesn't even know why she's telling him these things "Damn Peeta, you cannot care about me!" she yells, her throat closing at the end.  
>He regrets the angriness he was feeling just seconds ago, watching as all the steps forward they had made in the past months are now back to no existence.<br>"Why?" he asks in a small voice "Why would you tell me that?"  
>"Because you will get hurt, Peeta, and I don't want you to!" she blurts out, tired of her life, hoping he would just forget, because it would just make him feel better.<br>She walks away, heading to school, not looking back.

...

The school has never seemed more full and soffucating. Katniss can't even breathe as she walks in, heading to class. Her bag seems heavier every time she moves, her back hurts but she doesn't know why. A headache is torturing her, the tears from before haven't dried yet and her eyes are still red. Arriving at her locker, she lets out a breath of relief, relaxing a minute before the second period bell rings. The panic attack took twenty minutes of the first lesson, so she couldn't attend class. She's trying to regard her breathing. Her eyes are wide open, careful not to meet anyone's gaze. Now she closes them, blocking the voices out of her mind, finding peace.  
>A hand on her shoulder brings her back, the contact making her shiver. She shrugs the hand from her body and turns around to find Peeta staring at her, clearly still worried for what he saw only twenty minutes ago.<br>They stay like that for what Katniss thinks are hours, looking into each other's eyes, trying to understand what's wrong. He doesn't ask anything, she doesn't talk. She closes her eyes, returning to that peace she had found just a minute ago. His hand returns to her shoulder, but she doesn't shrugs it off like before: the contact makes her feel safe, for some strange reasons. She doesn't feel his hand anymore.

Opening her eyes, she finds the corridor empty, no one is at her side. The second period bell has already rang and she didn't hear it, even if it's two feet away. She takes a deep breath and starts her last day of school at Panem City.

The sun is getting low as the day ends.  
>Dinner with Maysilee has been what she needed. Girl talk and all, with her mother, has always helped her. They talked about their day, what Maysilee has bought at the supermarket and how she has baked their dessert.<p>

She has never really thought of her biological mother. She knows maybe it is sad, not remembering what she looks like or what she used to do, but that wasn't her fault. While she doesn't remember her, she can clearly picture her father's face. What shade of grey his eyes were. His shadow on the road as they walked to the near park. His smile when he had thought Katniss couldn't see him. That man, that kind and caring man, who had always tried to keep her safe, in a world where bad people were at every corner. He kind of did, because Katniss was a happy kid... Until he died. When he did, he brought the beautiful things around him away, leaving Katniss and her mother to a sad existence. Mrs. Everdeen got depressed and Katniss's nightmare of a life started. Now she thinks, how would her life be like if he was still alive?

But that's not real. Her only reality is that she will leave as soon as Maysilee is asleep.  
>Her bed is cold, the covers don't keep her warm. But maybe the coldness that hits her bones is not from outside. It's something inside her, something that is consuming her, eating her alive.<br>Luckly, she finds some sleep after sitting the alarm.

A loud crash makes her eyes pop open. She's sweating, paralized from fear. She was having a nightmare.  
>The noise hits again her ears and she turns her head towards the window.<br>Now she's sure: the noise came from outside. A rock hits the glass and she waits a moment before getting up from bed.  
>Opening the window, the cold air hits her on the cheeks and they immediatly begin to red. Norrowing her eyes she observes the outside, searching something, or someone.<br>And there, in the middle of her yard, is a slender figure.  
>"Who's there?" she hisses, trying not to wake the neighborhood up.<br>The shadow moves towards her window and at under the moonlight, Katniss can recognize the familiar face: Peeta Mellark is at her house, in the middle of the night, and she doesn't know why.  
>"Peeta?" she asks "What are you doing here?"<br>His hands are trying to warm him, while he swings back and forth.  
>"Hey." his voice is rough, like he hasn't speaken in a while "Can I come in?"<br>She slightly nods her head. He starts to climb the side of the house, reaching in less than a minute her window. She closes it after letting him in.  
>They sit on her bed, gazing the floor, the silence filling the room. He speaks up after a couple of deep breathes.<br>"Katniss." she looks at him and he turns towards her. They're face-to-face, looking into each other's eyes. He tries to find something aside from the tiredness of the night: it's like she decides what feeling he can see. He knows it because he does that too, since he was five.  
>"I don't know anything about your situation." he begins "When I got to know you, you didn't even tell me you're adopted."<br>Her eyes trail away, trying interesting the curves of the moquette under her feet. She knows what he's going to say.  
>"I'm not asking you to tell me everything. I haven't told you my past myself." She can hear the sad smile in his voice. She looks at him to look at that beautiful smile on his lips. For the last time, she thinks, sadly.<br>"I couldn't even sleep because all I could think of was what happened today." his voice is frantic, he passes his hand through his curls, he's nervous "Katniss... I care about you and I don't -" but she doesn't listen to what he has to say. She only heard those four words, the ones she has never wanted him to say. It was the only thing she had to do, so that he would have been okay after she left. The only one.  
>She feels the tears escaping her eyes, desperatly trying to find a way out. A sob hits her, making her close her eyes.<br>"Katniss?" his voice is small, like he's scared to break her. "I'm sorry..."  
>She stops his words with another sob. This time, his hand doesn't touch his hair but her arm, a feeling of warmness filling her body. The coldness and emtyness from before has left her.<br>He gently brings her face to turn around, grabbing her chin. Her eyes are refilling with tears, when his thumb blocks one from falling on her cheek. She closes her eyes, feeling his heat on her face.  
>"Katniss..." hearing her name, even if for the thousandth time, brings a chill though her veins.<br>His eyes find hers again. And suddenly it's like the only thing separating them it's a breathe.  
>Then his lips are on hers, her tears on his cheeks, his blue in her grey. She thinks Oh God, this is such a bad idea, but she can't hold herself back anymore. The feeling of warmness from before is spreading throughout her body, her mind can only register his lips on hers, his hands on her arms then on her cheeks. He holds her tightly, like he fears her leaving. She doesn't want it to end. He doesn't want it to end.<br>Now they need air, they need to pull away, to understand that this will only leave them hollow and sad. It's overwhelming, the tears are back on her cheeks, but he brushes them off, deeping the kiss until their only saving is breathing through the other's lips.  
>She falls back on the bed, bringing Peeta with her, his lips never leaving hers. She can feel his fingers everywhere on her body, tracing a line on her arms, her face, her breasts. His lips are on her neck, she forgets how to breath. He whispers her name on her snik, making her shiver as he slips her T-shirt off.<br>"You're beautiful." Between kisses and light touches, they become one. And Katniss can feel a new kind of hunger, one that she has never felt before. He keeps her safe, he doesn't remind her that cruelty is out there and in her house. She forgets all about Cray, her father, Snow, Delly... She relizes Peeta makes her feel safe. It's what she has been looking for. It's what she's going to find once she will be away from Panem City.  
>And that the only thing she tries to remember as she grabs Cray's car keys at four in the morning. Peeta's naked form is still on her bed, under the covers, asleep. She leaves a note where she tells him to leave as soon as he wakes up. After pressing her lips gently on his temple, she grabs her bags and leaves.<br>As she drives out of the city limits, she starts to cry again.


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, here's chapter 5.**

**I wanted to thank you for all the support and the reviews, like always.**

**In this chapter you can read what Peeta is experiencing and what he wants to do. I've loved Peeta's character since the first time I read Hunger Games, and I care about him a lot. So, I hope I explaned everything very clearly, and if not you can always tell me. Remember that I'm italian and that I've been studying english for six years.**

**I do not own Suzanne Collins's books.**

**Chapter 5**

_One hour missing_

What awakes Peeta this morning is not the sun light hitting his pillow, but a weird feeling of excitement. It's been a long time since he has felt like this. He can even remember that moment.  
>His mother has never been like the others: she has always liked having the perfect family, children who have excellent grades at school, a loving husband and a big house in a suburban neighbourhood. Well, one thing she had wanted so much but that she didn't get: a daughter. When Deaton came along thirty years ago, it had been a surprise to both his teen parents, but they tried to bea as perfect as they could be. When Rye was born, five years later, she just accepted him like another son, most of the time leaving the baby with her husband.<br>Peeta, born eight years later, trigged something inside the woman's heart, making her see the baby like he was trash. And it's where his father had found him two weeks later. Luckly, he had survived, and his father became his only parent while her mother kept ignoring him.  
>Now, her likes have changed: she enjoys hitting Peeta, leaving bruises all over his body. Seeing them is satisfating.<br>Although, he can remember one night when his mother came to his rooom. He was eight and lying in bed with a high fever. He had felt a light kiss on his forehead before he drifted off to sleep. The next morning, he was happy and excited to see his mommy, to hug her, one thing he had always wanted to do but that never happened. His mother was just like the other days, though: cold and violent. He had been happy, at least, to know that a part of her was caring about him.  
>He opens his eyes, sure to see the chaos of his bedroom, but he only finds a light green on the walls. He can feel the happiness washing over him when he relizes that he's in Katniss's bed... but it all disappears when he finds the other side of the bed cold and that he's alone.<p>

* * *

><p>The first bell rings right when he arrives at school. He waited for Katniss like the other days, but she never walked out of her house.<br>"Hey, Peet." he turns around and finds Madge standing besides his locker. She's smiling at him.

He doesn't really remember when they became friends, but she has been helping him to fit in school… and to impress Katniss.  
>"Hi." his voice is broken, though he tries to cover it with a cough.<br>"Have you seen Katniss yet?" she asks.  
>"Ehm..." he passes a hand through his hair, "Not today." he grabs his maths book from the locker.<br>"What do you mean by 'not today'?" her voice is suspecting, but he can hear the smile in it.  
>"Well..." he starts but cannot go on as he remembers his earlier feeling.<br>"Well...?" she asks "Just spit it out!"  
>He looks up at her. "I went to her place last night." he simply says.<br>"And...?" _Damn, Madge being Madge_.  
>"And we talked." he says firmly. His eyes trail down to his shoes, the double-knotted shoelaces glaring at him. Now he's even allucinating.<br>"Peeta, you're blushing."  
>Something in his mind is telling him not to say anything, that Katniss will kill him if she finds out, and that's for sure because he's telling Madge. But how can he not say it to his best friend?<br>"Well," he turns around and starts walking away "We had sex." he says over his shoulder.  
>"What?!" he feels her feet hitting the floor faster and faster, until she's in front of him and he has to stop.<br>"So you're together?" she asks, excitement clear in her voice.  
>He sighs. He has been thinking about it since he woke up. "I don't know. I haven't seen her since last night." and in that moment, the second bell rings. Their eyes meet, wide and worried. Madge speaks up.<p>

"Katniss is _never_ late."

* * *

><p><em>Two hours missing<em>

_Something's wrong_.

It's the first thing Maysilee realises when she wakes up. Checking her alarm, she reads 7.45 am_. Something_ is _wrong_. She should have already heard Katniss getting up, the water going in her bathroom. She's used to wake up like this since Katniss moved with her and Cray, and it's strange she didn't this time.  
>She gets up and opens Katniss's bedroom door. From there, she sees the bed, made like every morning, her books on the table<em>. She's not at school<em>. Panic is rising in her as Maysilee opens her closet, only to find the majority of her clothes gone. The bathroom is like last night, nothing changed.

She heads downstairs, searching for something. Something that could tell her where she is, if she's safe. And there is. There, on the kitchen counter near the cupcakes she has baked last night, is a white envelope, her name written on it with a narrow handwriting. It's Katniss's.  
>She rips it off, taking out the letter. She reads it. "Oh, my God." she whispers, tears streaming down her face.<br>She doesn't know what to do. She wants to see her, make sure that she is okay. She grabs her mobile phone and her car keys. She lets the door open: maybe she will come back.  
>The letter lies on the kitchen table, wet with tears.<p>

_Maysilee,_

_I won't tell you where I am because it's not important. You need to know that home is no longer a safe place for me. I've never been good with words. I am sorry, for everything. I didn't want it to be like this, but I couldn't wait anymore. It would have been too risky, staying. I love you so much, you will always be my mother. Please, believe me when I say I will be okay. You don't need to know the rest. It's too painful and hard to write. Don't worry about me._

_ Love,_

_ Katniss_

* * *

><p><em>One hour missing<em>

"_The sun is getting low  
>We'll find some place to call home"<br>_  
>Katniss has never felt so mad at herself. What the hell was she thinking? Why did she leave Peeta there, without telling him to come with her? <em>God, he would never come. Why should he come? With <em>me_?_  
>She's been crying since the sign <em>Welcome to Panem City <em>had been behind her, and her eyes don't plan on stopping. Her throat is rough from screaming, her hair is flying in the air, just like she had dreamt. But this hole in her heart... That's all new.  
>"Why can't I just wait?!" she shouts, but a sob hits her as soon as her voice has calmed down.<p>

_Why didn't I just kill him?_

* * *

><p>One hour later she stops the car. She would have been in class by now, with Peeta and Madge. She would have met his eyes and smiled, because she would have stayed for him. They would have kissed, she would have made him feel what she felt when he had come to her last night.<br>"I'm such a bad person." she whispers as she parks the car in a motel parking lot. The building is grey and old. There are only other three cars. She grabs her bag and goes inside. The reception is non-existent: there's just a table is in the corner, a laptop on it. A woman is sitting on an old cracking chair, she's reading the _District 2 Paper_. She looks up from the paper and watches the young girl through a thick pair of glasses.  
>"Hello," Katniss starts "I would like to rent a room."<br>From a short distance, she can see the woman's wrinkles, yellow theeth and long and decoreted nails. _She must be in her fourties_, Katniss thinks._  
><em>"How much do you plan to stay?" the woman asks, grabbing a room key from a panel behind her.  
>"Ehm... I don't know." she says "Maybe a couple of days."<br>The woman gives her the key: room 12. "Here. Welcome to District." she says it with an annoyed voice, and goes back to reading the paper.  
>Katniss stands there awkwardly. "Thanks."<p>

* * *

><p>She has some errands to do. District 2's square, like the woman named the area, is full of people going to work, mothers shopping and children walking to school. She kind of feels out of place.<br>She finds herself at a mini-market in the poor area of the town. It's small and a jazz melody plays in the air. The aisle of bathroom products is narrow. After grabing a pair of scissors, a blonde tint and some food for her staying, she pays the cashier. She still isn't safe: when Cray will find out, he will hunt her down: dying her hair is just the first step for not being recognizable.  
>Luckly, in the bathroom of her room, there is a mirror, even if it's narrow and very dirty.<br>She watches as she turns into an other girl. She cuts her hair: now they're just over her shoulders. She can't even braid it. The strong black shades of her hair are now light blonde. She doesn't recognize the girl in the mirror.  
><em>Good<em>, she thinks.

* * *

><p>The days pass by fast, and Katniss has to pay Lyme, the receptionist. She just gives her the money, without eye-contact, and the woman doesn't thank her. She understood Katniss's situation because it wasn't the first time someone stayed in the motel for a couple of days, alone, and that then pays her in cash.<br>"Pretty hair." she points out as she counts the money.  
>"You don't have to worry: it's what you asked for two days." Katniss doesn't want to talk about hair, she wants to leave.<br>And so she does, driving easter, headed to Capitol City, where she would begin her new life.

* * *

><p>It's been only two days, but to Peeta it feels as hard as it felt that morning, when he and Madge found out Katniss has left. As soon as the last bell of the day rang, they were at her place. Maysilee opened the door and the sight made Peeta shiver: the woman had deep circles under her frantic eyes.<br>"Hi guys." she said, her voice breaking at the last letter. Madge brought her to herself, circling her arms around her. Maysilee cried in Madge's T-shirt, and Peeta felt the tears streaming down his face. _She's gone_, he thought_, and I will never see her again_.  
>They read the letter, the only clue Katniss had left them. Maysilee sniffed. "She left it on the kitchen counter." she whispered, "I have to tell Cray."<p>

"When will he be back?" Madge asked. Peeta couldn't speak a word, his eyes still lingering on the line _You don't need to know the rest_. He wondered what have been scaring Katniss this much.

"His plane is on Monday, but I think he will be here as soon as I tell him."

"That means other four days…" Madge sighs.  
>"We have to do something." He had finally found his voice again. He couldn't afford to feel devastated, not yet. First, he wants to find her. "I won't stay here not knowing how she is." and with that he walked out, towards his house.<br>He was at his door when Madge grabbed his arm, making him turn around. "I will help you."

* * *

><p><em>Two days missing<em>

They're on her computer, surfing the net to find something... They don't even know what.  
>"We can write a list of places where maybe she stayed the night." Madge offers.<br>He nods. "Yeah, let's do it." he says. He types something on the map site  
>"Okay, so... The nearest place is a hotel, half an hour from Panem." he says looking at the screen.<br>"I don't think she would stay this near." Madge says "We should look for somewhere over the one-hour."

"The results are... Three. 'Motel Canova', 'Capitol Square Hotel' and... 'Motel 2'." he narrows his eyes, "They all are in District 2."  
>"Maybe we should call them and ask if she stayed the night."<br>He grabs his phone and dials the first number, but no one answers. "Damn."  
>"I'll do the other while you do the last one."<br>He calls Motel 2. After 10 seconds, a woman answers. "Motel 2, how can I help you?"  
>"Ehm, hi. I'd like to know if a person stayed the night."<br>"I can't tell. This place is trash, but privacy is still in the air."  
>Peeta looks at Madge, and the girl understands right away. That look, his eyes turning into black pools: that's anger. "I'm sorry to break your trash's privacy, but this is an emergency." He says "My friend has been missing for two days, now. She's seventeen and her family needs her. You would just have to say if she stayed the night or not."<p>

After a long pause, Peeta hears a long sigh. "Talk."

"Her name is Katniss Everdeen. She has black hair, usually in a braid, deep grey eyes."  
>"I remember a girl with a braid, but she didn't leave a name." The woman says, "She left this morning, but by that time her hair was blonde and cut off."<p>

Peeta goes on, sensing the woman has something else to say. "What time was it when she left?"

"Sometime after nine, I think."

"I am really grateful, ma'am." He is about to end the call.

"Wait!" the voice rings in the room, and Madge looks at Peeta for explenation.

"Yes?"

"She paid in cash." She says, "It's not unusual, but it was like she didn't want someone to find her."

He thinks about it for a second. "Thank you." He hangs up.

"So?" asks Madge.

"It was her, I'm sure."

Madge nods slightly to herself, taking in what Peeta has just said. "She's been driving east." She states, "Where could she be by now?"

Peeta types something and his eyes narrow at the resultes. "District 7."

* * *

><p>After hours of driving, she needs to stop at a gas station. The nearest is in Great Woods, District 7. Katniss has never been so far away from home, but she has heard the district is wonderful, surrounded by endless woods, torrents and rivers. The air smells like home. Gale would love it.<br>The guy who treats her is tall and he has long brown hair. She asks where she could spend the night, and he says his sister runs a motel near the city. "It's called 'Mason Woods'." she notices everything here is named after woods.  
>"Thank you..."<br>"Blight. Blight Mason." he offers his hand and she shakes it. "I'm Ka -" should she say her real name? "Evelyne Donner."  
>He smiles. "Welcome to District 7, Evelyne Donner."<p>

* * *

><p>She finds pretty easly the place, being the only building in bricks of the whole town: wood is everywhere.<br>In the parking lot, her car is the only one. The door is made of massive wood tinted red. When she opens it, a bell rings out over her head.  
>At the reception, a girl is nursing a beer. She's turned away from Katniss, and she only sees a short ponytail swinging up and down as she drinks.<br>She coughs to catch the girl's attention. "I'd like to -"  
>"You want to rent a room. I think that's pretty obvious." she says over her shoulder "My brother told me."<br>_I don't have to ask why I'm the only client here_, she thinks. The girl turns around and Katniss's heart skips a beat.  
>She can't believe her eyes: there, behind the counter, is Johanna Mason, Delly's roomate, the one who called the cops. The one that changed her life forever.<br>She must see the panic in her eyes because she asks gently "Are you okay?"  
>Mason Woods. Blight Mason. <em>Damn, how didn't I understand it before?<em>  
>"Y-Yes." she replies.<br>Johanna's voice returns to her basic. "Good." she hands her the room four key.

"Have a good stay."

* * *

><p><strong>This is not a songfic, but when I listen to "All These Roads" by Sultan, Ned Shepard feat. Zella Day and Sam Martin, I always think about this story.<strong>

**Chapter 6 on soon.**


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